Girl Talk

I'm generally a very optimistic, happy-go-lucky person but last weekend my mind wander into dark places and it took awhile to find my way out. It was scary and I cried a lot.
The next day at my follow-up appointment Doc entered the room and asked, "What can I help you with today?"
I stammered and stuttered, "I"m worried."
She leaned against the counter and folded her arms. "Did I ever tell you about when I was in training?"
I shook my head, "no".
She continued, "How often do you think I did self-breast exams."
I had no idea and shrugged.
"Every 10 minutes!" She reached for her breast, "I was always checking myself! I finally got a mammogram  and convinced a surgeon to see if I had a lump. I was only 33. I didn't have breast cancer and haven't, but I can imagine how paranoid it must make you feel." I nodded in agreement.
Doc continued, "Some cancer cells behave and others are aggressive. Yours is a 4 on a scale of 10. I'm planning on firing you in 5 years."
I smiled and said, "Okay. I'm looking forward to being fired then."

The Exam
I showed Doc the photo of my swollen face and welts right after the last treatment. I told her how my throat had hurt and I couldn't swallow (an ulcer from the chemo). She checked the open sores on my chest and back, then announced, "We are changing the chemo drug to Taxol. The side effects will get worse each time with Taxotere." And added,  "Then you'll really be mad at me!"
Taxol is from the same family and is just as effective but the SE will be easier. She checked the lump and declared that she'd have a hard time finding it if she didn't know where to look. Excellent news!
When I thanked her for taking time for me, she said, "Oh, you're welcome. I could tell you needed it today."
Like I said before, my Doc rocks!

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Turning Point

Today is December 17th and I'm at a turning point. This is the first time I have been able to look at all of my lab results and chemo information. It's also the first time I have wanted to write about actually having breast cancer. I have been avoiding this for weeks, not being able to grasp what was happening.  I realize that I've been beating around the bush in all of my blog posts up until now. I don't want to bore you with the specifics but you must remember, this blog is more for me to track the events so I can one day look back at this journey.

As I was getting dressed on Sunday, October 28th, I had discomfort under my left arm and discovered a small lump. The first thought that came to mind was that I might have an infection or be coming down with something. Then I checked my breast and sure enough there was a lump the size of a walnut! Good Grief! When did that happen?

The next day I stayed home from school and called for an appointment with my gynecologist. They got me right in to see the nurse practitioner. She said it might be a cyst but wanted to schedule a diagnostic mammogram just to be sure. I tried not to let it worry me since I had my annual mammogram in January and everything was fine.

On November 1st, I arrived for the mammogram at 7:45 am, thinking that this wouldn't take long and I could go straight to school. Wrong! During the mammogram I looked up at the screen and saw a solid white spot. Everything started falling like dominoes, one procedure  after another. Of course, I was in shock and couldn't believe this was really happening. I was asked to go sit back in the waiting room and someone would come and get me for an ultrasound. The minutes seemed like hours and finally it was my turn. I could see the monitor during the ultrasound as the technician was clicking images of a dark spot. When she was finished and helped me sit up I told her I wasn't going to be able to leave until I could talk to someone. She said she would go get the doctor. At the moment they came back everything happened in slow motion.  I don't remember a lot about what was said except she kept repeating, "I'm really sorry." and the word "biopsy". I managed to call Richard and asked him to come to the hospital.

After the biopsy they said that a surgeon could see us. They named three people and one was my sister's surgeon! Carol had a lumpectomy last December, followed by chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy. So we drove to the other side of town where the surgeon explained that I would probably see an oncologist to begin chemo first. It would be necessary to shrink the tumor before surgery. She scheduled a bone scan, ct body scan, lab tests, and breast MRI for Friday.

I was scheduled to see the oncologist on Monday, November 5th but she had to reschedule due to a death in the family. It was the most intense period of time in my life. Finally, on Wednesday, November 7th, we met with my sister's oncologist, Doc Esther. Carol was there, took awesome notes and wrote a summary of the appointment on her blog. Up until this point I had only glanced at it once. But now I'm ready to own it.
I've completed two chemo treatments and had my  follow-up appointment today. Doc could hardly find the lump under my arm and the breast tumor is softening as it shrinks. The Neulasta injection did it's job and all of my lab results were perfect. We're good to go for the 3rd chemo next Thursday.

Now I'm ready to focus and fight like a girl!

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Getting Organized for Cancer Treatment

Binder with dividers

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I felt so overwhelmed with all of the information I was receiving. I was gathering so many lab and radiology reports and there were several appointments to keep track of. I decided to take control of my treatment by organizing this binder with dividers. It goes everywhere with me in case I become forgetful with "chemo brain". I feel more empowered by having this vital information at my fingertips. 

These are some suggestions for sections in your binder: 

• Appointments
• Medical Staff
• Medication
• Communication
• Radiology
• Labs-Tests
• Chemo Info
• Resources
• Nutrition
• Insurance - you might want a separate binder or folder

I created the following forms that I can use to record information. (A couple of the forms were given to me by my doctor but I revised them to make everything more uniform). Feel free to download for your own personal use.  I have suggested the number of copies you may need in parenthesis. 

• Appointments for Treatment (5 copies) Hole punch and keep in binder
• My Treatment Team (1) Hole punch and keep in binder
• My Contact Log (20) Hole punch a few sheets for binder. Staple the rest and keep by the phone.
• My List of Medications (2) Hole punch and keep in your binder
• My Medical Visits (25) Hole punch and keep in your binder
• My Food Diary (25) Staple sets of 4 - 5 sheets together. Keep in the kitchen for the caregiver to have easy access, or in the binder for your convenience. Show this to your doctor or dietitian if you are having problems eating.
• My Weekly Medication Log (50) Staple sets of 4 - 5 pages together. Keep with your tote of medications. 

Create a file drawer or file container to store all of the pamphlets  booklets, and other information you will collect over the next several months.

Use a tote or plastic container for medications and essentials needed during your care.  Store this tote on the kitchen counter. Make sure the thermometer is always returned to this container so you or a family member can find it quickly.

Here are a couple of other suggestions for your binder. A nice hole punch and a vinyl business card holder.

I purchased a Swingline hole punch because 
the lever is easier to push

vinyl business card holder

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Comparing Our Girls

Christie & Carol bc (before cancer)

My sister, Carol,  stopped by after work the day of my biopsy. I was still in shock and really scared. She has been through this journey herself and will finish chemo in mid-December. We sat on the couch going over the events and  I asked if she wanted to see my wounds. Now, we hadn't seen each other's chests since 1965 so this was an odd moment. But I lifted my shirt, tugged on my Genie Bra and proved to myself that this was not a dream (nightmare!). She winced at the sight of band-aids and bruises crisscrossing my breast. She said that after radiation my breast will be smaller than the other. "Do you want to see?", she offered. She lifted her shirt and Genie Bra to reveal her breasts and sure enough one was smaller. It was like we were looking in a mirror because our wounds were right across from each other (my left, her right), and in the same location. But more importantly, she could see how far she has come, from being bruised and battered. And I could see were I will be when my treatment is over, healed and healthy once more.

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