Divine Appointments

There was so much to do to prepare for tomorrow's surgery but I'm ready to Kiss Cancer Good-Bye!

I don't know why I always look forward to seeing Doc. There must be something wrong with me, haha! On Monday I had my 10 day follow-up. All of my numbers looked good. My scarf slipped off when I removed my shirt. Doc exclaimed, "Your hair is coming back!", as she ran her hand over the downy tufts of new hair.
She explained why it's important to have the lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. I need radiation, which will damage the skin, making breast reconstruction impossible. She said she knew it would be a difficult week because the success of chemotherapy will be determined with the MRI on Tuesday and surgery on Thursday. I will see Doc a week after surgery to discuss the pathology report and make sure we're on track..

Then I went to the Mindfulness class. For you teachers out there; you know how good it feels when you have a great lesson plan and class ends on a high note? That's how my instructor probably felt because everything she put out there I had recent experiences to compare (known as activating prior knowledge).
We discussed the affects of stress on the body and how meditation corrects the damages to your brain. After yoga she sent "active Reiki love" to the surgical room, staff and me for Thursday.  It was a very comforting gesture. She let me borrow a CD from the Cleveland Clinic with meditation imagery. Their research found that listening to this will decrease infection, decrease pain meds needed, and decrease the length of hospital stay.

On Tuesday morning I had the breast MRI. With my face resting in this oval brace, I made a game of it by humming along with the machine and counting the clicks. When I was finished and lifted myself up I saw light brown marks where my forehead was. I suddenly looked at the tech and asked, "Did I rubbed off my eyebrows?!" He checked and said they were still there. Note to self:  put a brow pencil in my purse!

That afternoon I went back in for Pre-surgery testing. As I approached the desk I recognized the girl but couldn't remember from where. She said she knew me too and we both thought for a moment. Then it all came back to me. She was in the waiting room with me the day I got my mammogram on November 1st. She had a minor accident on her way there and was flustered as she told me all about it. When I went in for my mammo I was asked to go back out and wait because I needed an ultrasound.  When she finished her mammo she got to change out of her ballgown and leave.
Pointing to my scarf:  "I look different. I had hair back then."
Pointing to her head of long brown hair: "Don't worry. It will grown back."
I was shocked! She was so young but is a breast cancer survivor. And so is her mom and two aunts. We chatted a few more minutes. After the pre-surgery testing I went back to give her a can of Love.

My surgeon called me this evening to check on me. She said the MRI showed that the tumor did shrink so she will take it out and let the pathologist take a look.  It seemed as if I was talking with an old friend the way we were laughing and carrying on.

There have been a few more Divine Appointments this week but my fingers hurt (neuropathy) so I will have to close. Thank you for sending me hugs and prayers as I go through surgery tomorrow.

I have been so blessed all my life and don't think there is anything I would change. Not even having breast cancer.

Read More

What's On Your Mind?

I'm doing much better this week and think the exhaustion is from the time change. Monday was my first class on Mindfulness at the Cancer center and I am excited to be in the program.

Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to what you are doing, being deliberate in thought, being present in the moment. It's the direct opposite of taking life for granted. (Kabat-Zinn 1994)

A few years ago I bought The Mindful Woman by Sue Patton Thoele and developed several classroom activities based on the theory. But the habits of where my mind traveled went back into the same old ruts, worrying about life around me and focusing on the "what ifs" of the past and future.

My Notes:
The mind is immature, always busy worrying, known as "magical thinking". The mind needs to think and prepare for the worst. The mind is always scanning for threats, weighing the pros and cons of every possible scenario. With each negative thought, the body goes into the  "fight" or "Flight", response to stress, releasing hormones that can be harmful to your body.

I need to tell my mind to behave and listen to the wisdom of my heart. My heart is only going in one direction and has reasons the mind knows not of. Think of the ocean. The surface (mind) can be calm or treacherous,  depending on the weather. Underneath the surface (heart), the water remains calm. The fish are not affected by the weather and the shipwrecks remain undisturbed.
The instructor illustrated how I can  interrupt negative thoughts. I just need to stop, breathe and name 5 things I'm grateful for. I have so much to be grateful for; a caring family, so many friends, a great job. But I've been filling my mind with the little things that would normally be overlooked. Like today, when I went to the store for produce and the total came to $33.39. I had $32 and lots of change. GRATITUDE

To get rid of the dark cloud filled with worries,

just think of 5 things you are grateful for 

and let the sun shine on you.

Read More

The Power of Hugs

Thanks to my sister, Heather,
for coming up with this post title.
 And my friend, Jody, for making
  this adorable hug wand for me!

I created my own support system by collecting ten hugs per day. Everywhere I go I give and ask for hugs. This was something a friend told me she did when she was going through cancer treatment. Jackie said it was a way to help her employees and customers at her store overcome the awkwardness of not knowing what to say.

I have been advocating the importance of parents hugging their children for years. Well-known family therapist, Virginia Satir, is quoted in BrainyQuotes.com, "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth."
So I did not miss this opportunity for another teachable moment.  I thought the novelty would wear off but there is one student who has not forgotten to hug me. Everyday when the bell rings he walks over and gives me a hug before leaving. It doesn't matter where I'm standing in the room or if I'm sitting at my desk, he has never skipped giving me a hug.

A study in USA Today indicated that hugs will reduce the stress hormone Cortisol, making way for an output of two feel-good hormones in the brain, Serotonin and Dopamine.

10 Reasons We Need at Least 8 Hugs Each Day  by Marcus Julian Felicetti

1. The nurturing touch of a hug builds trust and a sense of safety. This helps with open and honest communication.

2. Hugs can instantly boost oxytocin levels, which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger.

3. Holding a hug for an extended time lifts one's serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.

4. Hugs strengthen the immune system. The gentle pressure on the sternum and the emotional charge this creates activates the Solar Plexus Chakra. This stimulates the thymus gland, which regulates and balances the body's production of white blood cells, which keep you healthy and disease free.

5. Hugging boosts self-esteem. From the time we're born our family's touch shows us that we're loved and special. The associations of self-worth and tactile sensations from our early years are still embedded in our nervous system as adults. The cuddles we received from our Mom and Dad while growing up remain imprinted at a cellular level, and hugs remind us at a somatic level of that. Hugs, therefore, connect us to our ability to self love.

6. Hugging relaxes muscles. Hugs release tension in the body. Hugs can take away pain; they soothe aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues.

7. Hugs balance out the nervous system. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance. The effect in moisture and electricity in the skin suggests a more balanced state in the nervous system - parasympathetic.

8. Hugs teach us how to give and receive. There is equal value in receiving and being receptive to warmth, as to giving and sharing. Hugs educate us how love flows both ways.

9. Hugs are so much like meditation and laughter. They teach us to let go and be present in the moment. They encourage us to flow with the energy of life. Hugs get you out of your circular thinking patterns and connect you with your heart and your feelings and your breath.

10. The energy exchange between the people hugging is an investment in the relationship. It encourages empathy and understanding. And, it's synergistic, which means the whole is more than the sum of its parts: 1 1 = 3 or more! This synergy is more likely to result in win-win outcomes.

See the 14 Types of Hugs by Dorothy Neddermeyer. 

Then go hug someone! 

Read More

Ice Ice Baby

My hands and feet on ice.
 Jody, Thanks for making this
shoulder wrap to keep me warm!

This morning I went to Carlton Massage in Green for the complimentary therapies I mentioned in my previous post. I felt pretty good when I left at noon - until I was half way home.

I got a call from the Treatment Center and the nice nurse was wondering if there was a problem because I didn't show up for my 10:15 chemo appointment. I almost went off the road! I explained that we just checked the appointment card and I was scheduled for 1:15. She looked in another location and said that I was scheduled for labs at 1:15 and could see where they made a mistake. She needed to find out if there would be enough time to come in  for my treatment today. What?! I told her I HAD to have it today and could come in immediately to get started. She promised she would call me back with an answer.

As I pulled in the garage I got the call to come in at 1:15.  I seemed to lose my focus and the effects from the massage and Reiki were gone. I had a few minutes to eat a sandwich and finish packing my pink bag. We were on the expressway when I realized that I forgot to numb my arm with lidocaine! I have a port to access the vein in my right arm and the needle looks like a thumb tack on steroids! Oh Geez!

As soon as I got settled into my chair we unpacked the Raspberry Italian Ice and tried to numb my arm. It still hurt because it goes through so many layers of skin but Richard let me squeeze his hand and it was over before I could cuss. Note to self - Don't EVER forget the lidocaine again!

First, I had Decadron by IV (a steroid to prevent an allergic reaction). Then I had to wait 30 minutes before the chemo drug Taxotere. While I was waiting I got my hands and feet put on ice. The purpose is to constrict the veins to prevent the drug from doing the following:

• numbness in my hands and feet which is called peripheral neuropathy. 
• keep layers of skin from peeling on my hands and feet
• keep finger and toe nails from turning dark and falling off

I know! Gross! Right?


What I like about this drug is that I'm not nauseous!
What I'm dreading is the bone pain...

Tomorrow I will be going for fluid IV (2 bags=2 hours) and a shot of Neulasta in my tummy. No, silly! Not a shot glass. I'm talking about the needle kind!

Let's have a little contest. See how long you can leave your hands on ice. The record to beat is 75 minutes.

Read More

Keep Calm and Relax

Just chillin'

Tomorrow will be chemo #5 and the first of the new drug Taxotere. To get ready for this chemo session I will be getting a massage, followed by Reiki, pronounced ray-key. Did you know that a massage therapist can be trained to work with cancer patients? I had to get a note from my doctor allowing me to have a massage. Having these complimentary therapies will help relieve stress and anxiety as well as handle the pain.
Visit the American Cancer Society to learn more.

I wanted to treat myself to a massage during Christmas break but had to cancel the appointment when I landed in the hospital. That's where my nurse, Gea, offered to give me a Reiki treatment. She was trained by  Reiki Rays of Hope for caregivers.  It's very difficult for me to put into words how I felt while Gea was gently talking to me and praying. She held her hands an inch above my body and I could feel this warm, tingling sensation. I was very relaxed but was also crying the whole time. It was just pure love.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Reiki is a form of hands-on, natural healing that uses universal life force energy. 

The benefits of Reiki treatment

• bring a peaceful, deep relaxation
• dissolve energy blockages and tension
• detoxify the body
• support the well-being of the client who is receiving traditional medical treatments that are debilitating, such as chemotherapy and radiation, surgery, kidney transplants, etc.
• supply universal life-force energy to the body
• stimulate the body’s immune system
• help to relieve pain
• stimulate tissue and bone healing after injury or surgery
• increase the vibrational frequency of the client on physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels

Visit the American Cancer Society to learn more about Reiki.

Read More