Happily Ever After

For several years I had been hoping one of our wedding anniversaries would be worthy of a cruise. When the 20th anniversary rolled around in 2008 Richard had lost his job, we'd lost my sister, Cathy, among several other loved ones and frankly, didn't feel like celebrating.

So, I set my sights on our 25th anniversary, but inadvertently joined the BC Club. When we calculated all of my treatments and discovered I'd be finished 2 weeks before this special anniversary, neither one of us could even begin planning something that far in the future, especially when we didn't know what the future would hold.

Yesterday we decided to get away for the weekend even though I'm feeling kind of tired from the radiation. So, this morning I found a castle in Hocking Hills with an enchanted forest full of cabins. I am so happy that we made it this far and have each other. I am a very lucky girl to have my knight in shining armor, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Now, I need to go pack!

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Finished With Treatment

We celebrated the last day of radiation treatment on Thursday, July 25th. I asked Carol if I could start tracking my anniversary. This would be easy to remember because it's Dad's birthday.

I bought an angel food cake and made pink Cool Whip frosting. I couldn't help noticing how the cake resembled my broken boob:

The hole in the center is where the tumor use to be. The surface showed the battle scars and unevenness. And it's pink from the radiation burns!

This has been a long journey but I've learned a lot about myself. I am a better person because of this experience and can only look forward to the new normal. They say that when you have cancer everyone around you is affected. I'm so lucky to have my family by my side. I couldn't have made it through the journey without them. There are many friends who were affected by my cancer too. They kept me in their thoughts and prayers and encouraged my family along the way. It was tough for everyone.

But we made it!

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Woe Is Me

I know it's been a while but I feel like my brain is fried. It's difficult to write more than a few words at a time. I think the fatigue is starting.

I'm still getting radiation but only have 5 more to go!  I look like I have a sunburn and sun poisoning on the entire breast, chest/neck and shoulder/back area. It's very itchy and sore but should start clearing up soon. I'm looking forward to getting this part over.

I've been so busy with a new endeavor and convinced Carol to be a part of it too. We are finishing the last details of a new website and combining our blogs into one. You know how you've asked if you could do anything to help? Well this will give you the opportunity you've been looking for! We will unveil the entire project in just a few days!

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Glowing

Yesterday was my 8th radiation treatment. I go in everyday except weekends. This is me, in all my naked glory, getting zapped in several different directions.

The radiation device rotates around the table to get these angles. It comes across from the right side (blue lines). Then moves to the upper right and shoots down into my collar bone, zapping the lymph nodes (red area). Then it moves underneath the table a shoots up through my shoulder blade (green area). And finally, up through the left side of my breast (blue).

I've been using the breathing tube and am a pro at it now. See Panic Attack about the training. With each deep breath I create space in my chest to protect my heart and lungs from radiation.

I should be finished with this treatment by the third week of July.

I will be glowing by then!

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Panic Attack

I had been feeling so much better since I finished chemo. I had some energy and a little bounce in my step. That is, until I got the stomach flu Monday morning. That wiped me out. Richard got it last night and Katie is starting to feel sick. I hope Tommy can be spared.

Today I went for my Radiation Mapping appointment to prepare a customized treatment plan. They used a CT scan to find the target for radiation. The trick was that I had to hold my breath. I have been through some pretty difficult tests and procedures these past 7 months but this is the first time I've had a panic attack. 

I had to wear a snorkel devise and a clamp on my nose. I got to practice a couple of times before they sent me inside the CT chamber. The tech walked me through the steps as I watched my breathing on a monitor.1. Breathe normal. 2. Blow out all of the air. 3. Take a deep breath and hold it for 20 seconds. While holding my breath, there was a small valve that closed, preventing air through the tube. After 20 seconds it would open to let air through. 

When they sent me in the CT chamber I was breathing normally and suddenly heard the tech over the speaker, "Okay, now hold your breath." I glanced at the monitor and it showed 29 seconds! OMG! Why didn't he let me take a deep breath. Why are we holding for 29 instead of 20? Then the snorkel started slipping out of my mouth as I tried to bite down even harder.  I felt like I was drowning. I tried to hold on but released the safety button and started kicking as if I had fins on my feet to swim away. The doc and tech came running and slid me out. Told me I was fine and they had the images they needed.

I didn't stop shaking until I got home.

Did I ever tell you that I'm not an exhibitionist? Well, I've had to flap my gown open for lots of these people. But today was very unnerving to lay there, bare and get 3 tattoos and various photos taken. Not my cup of tea. 

I've inserted some information below about this procedure. I will probably have to go through 6 weeks using this method in order to protect my heart and lungs during radiation.

Lt Breast treatment set-up with Active Breathing Coordinator
It is difficult to avoid the heart with Tangential Beams (High radiation dose shown in red)	With deep inhalation, using Active Breathing Coordinator, the heart is totally spared

Active Breathing Coordinator

Treating a moving target: Because even the slightest movement can change the location of the tumor, targeting a tumor that moves as the patient breathes may require a slightly larger radiation field to compensate for the tumor’s movement. Some healthy tissue may inadvertently receive radiation as the patient breathes and the tumor shifts.

Protecting the heart: With left-sided breast cancer, which moves when the patient breathes, the heart is part of the healthy tissue that needs to be protected. Studies have shown that patients who have received large doses of radiation to some parts of their hearts or who have had larges areas of the heart exposed to smaller doses of radiation have a higher risk of developing radiation-induced heart disease.

Hugs,

Christie

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Divine Appointments

There was so much to do to prepare for tomorrow's surgery but I'm ready to Kiss Cancer Good-Bye!

I don't know why I always look forward to seeing Doc. There must be something wrong with me, haha! On Monday I had my 10 day follow-up. All of my numbers looked good. My scarf slipped off when I removed my shirt. Doc exclaimed, "Your hair is coming back!", as she ran her hand over the downy tufts of new hair.
She explained why it's important to have the lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. I need radiation, which will damage the skin, making breast reconstruction impossible. She said she knew it would be a difficult week because the success of chemotherapy will be determined with the MRI on Tuesday and surgery on Thursday. I will see Doc a week after surgery to discuss the pathology report and make sure we're on track..

Then I went to the Mindfulness class. For you teachers out there; you know how good it feels when you have a great lesson plan and class ends on a high note? That's how my instructor probably felt because everything she put out there I had recent experiences to compare (known as activating prior knowledge).
We discussed the affects of stress on the body and how meditation corrects the damages to your brain. After yoga she sent "active Reiki love" to the surgical room, staff and me for Thursday.  It was a very comforting gesture. She let me borrow a CD from the Cleveland Clinic with meditation imagery. Their research found that listening to this will decrease infection, decrease pain meds needed, and decrease the length of hospital stay.

On Tuesday morning I had the breast MRI. With my face resting in this oval brace, I made a game of it by humming along with the machine and counting the clicks. When I was finished and lifted myself up I saw light brown marks where my forehead was. I suddenly looked at the tech and asked, "Did I rubbed off my eyebrows?!" He checked and said they were still there. Note to self:  put a brow pencil in my purse!

That afternoon I went back in for Pre-surgery testing. As I approached the desk I recognized the girl but couldn't remember from where. She said she knew me too and we both thought for a moment. Then it all came back to me. She was in the waiting room with me the day I got my mammogram on November 1st. She had a minor accident on her way there and was flustered as she told me all about it. When I went in for my mammo I was asked to go back out and wait because I needed an ultrasound.  When she finished her mammo she got to change out of her ballgown and leave.
Pointing to my scarf:  "I look different. I had hair back then."
Pointing to her head of long brown hair: "Don't worry. It will grown back."
I was shocked! She was so young but is a breast cancer survivor. And so is her mom and two aunts. We chatted a few more minutes. After the pre-surgery testing I went back to give her a can of Love.

My surgeon called me this evening to check on me. She said the MRI showed that the tumor did shrink so she will take it out and let the pathologist take a look.  It seemed as if I was talking with an old friend the way we were laughing and carrying on.

There have been a few more Divine Appointments this week but my fingers hurt (neuropathy) so I will have to close. Thank you for sending me hugs and prayers as I go through surgery tomorrow.

I have been so blessed all my life and don't think there is anything I would change. Not even having breast cancer.

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Radiologist Follow-up

This morning was my first follow-up with my radiologist. (ended rad July 18) I mentioned the pain in my "good side" and, of course, the pain in my "treated side".  After poking and pushing (too hard), he said that some women do report pain on the good side and they are not quite certain why.

Oh brother!

 

I asked if it could be cancer on the other side now and he said "very unlikely".  That through chemo and radiation they consider me in remission (already reported that) and that I will be monitored on a regular basis. For example, I am to schedule my yearly mammogram.  Which, by the way, was when I found out I had cancer right after Thanksgiving.  He said that I should take pain medicine before I go.....

 

Duh!

 

I'm not looking forward to that at all.  He asked if I had seen my surgeon and I told him not since the surgery.  I wasn't sure what the process was.  Since I still have treatment on a regular basis, I'll let the oncologist direct me.

 

So, besides remission, the good news is my oxygen level said 100% on the monitor.  The first thing that is A-OK at 100 percent!  Love it ~

 

He asked about the fatigue and I tried to give him an example of, say, waiting at the doctor's office, spending time with the doctor and then having to "make up" the time at work.  This makes 40+ hours for the work week and, yep, I get tired.  I then mentioned that he must know what I mean about long work hours (as a doctor), say working 60+ hours.  And he said "never", that it would drive him crazy IF HE WORKED OVER 30 hours.

 

OMGosh!

 

I think I must have stared at him after that.  Didn't know what to say about that except try to add $ signs and hours and medical bills, etc.  He does seem to be on vacation a lot.

 

Don't have to see him for another 6 months.

 

Next on the list.... Echo and bone density screening on Sept 10.

 

On another note, I scheduled the MammoVan for work tomorrow.  First time using this company, so I hope it works out well for our employees.

 

Guess what, after over a year, I finally finished my Shutterfly book at an impressive 85 pages!!  Made it in time for the 50% discount. Placed the order and I am SO EXCITED!

 

Gonna sign off and r-e-l-a-x



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The Last Glow

As I say goodnight to my co-workers each day, I say "leaving to get my glow on."  And the doctor confirmed today that this is my last one. 

Relief

It was bittersweet saying good-bye to the techs, to the nurse, to the cleaning woman and even to the valet attendants.  Their familiar faces, their smiles and the chit-chat we shared over the last 6 weeks....I am grateful for them.

They gave me my mesh, which I'll take a picture of it and add it to this post in a few days. 

The nurse took me back to see Dr R and gave me discharge instructions.

Wow, DISCHARGE instructions!

Music to my ears ~

• Fatigue - pace yourself and get 8 hours of sleep each night
• Pain at sites being treated - take pain medicine as directed
• Skin reaction - continue using ointment given to you until your skin heals. Avoid sun exposure without sunscreen. If sun exposure, use sunscreen with SPF 30 or higher.
• Hair loss at treated site only
• And then the standard watch-outs, i.e. bowel changes, cough, nausea, headaches, etc

Then Dr R comes in and confirms .... it is the LAST radiation session.

He said to avoid sun exposure without sunscreen for the rest of my life.  It will always be that way. 

Good thing I don't frequent the nudist camp anymore.

He said that the hair follicles under my arm may prevent hair growth. No shaving?....

Cool! We should have treated the other side as well. 

He said that the radiation is still working inside of me and that the side effects will get worse over the next 2 weeks.  He prescribed a different cream along with 2 over the counter creams to try.

It feels like someone cut my nipple off with rusty scissors

Was that too graphic? Sorry ~

We discussed some of the difficulties of laying in the prone position (face down) and some possible solutions.  Hopefully, I helped in some small way.

I am scheduled for a follow-up in six weeks.  I can't tell you how relieved I am that this part is over. 

This Friday, Herceptin

Thanks for walking with me thru this part of the journey ~

Peace Be with You



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Radiation Begins

Today, I went in again for the final adjustments with the mesh that was moulded last week. They also wanted to take films. 

This time, only 3 men

(and a woman came in to replace 2 of them)

I'm a pioneer woman! Not like this awesome Pioneer Woman .... no, just the first patient at Akron General to lay "prone" instead of on my back.  That's pretty exciting, right?  I googled this a bit and read (parts) of Journal of Clinical Oncology, which talks about the "prone position to spare the heart & lung".

My forehead and chin rest on the grey

My "generous" breast is getting blasted from the back to the front. 

Awesome

So, after pulling and tugging my legs and torso to line my body up to the measurements taken the first time, they left the room to take the film.  After hearing a few hums from the machine,  the power went out EVERYWHERE.  I laid there for a bit with them asking if I was alright and that if it didn't come back on soon, they would let me up and out of the position.  One thing you should know, since the right side of my upper torso is suspended in air (no board underneath that area), my right arm soon became numb.  

Like doing one arm push ups

I was praying for the tingling sensation to go away .... then Kevin said that he was concerned about the two children in the other radiation rooms because they were under anesthesia for their treatment.  It's hard to keep children still during something like this.  Children.  My mind immediately went to them, off of me.

And I began to pray for them instead

~ Canzer is not fair ~

What seemed like eternity, they released me.  Still no power.

As I was being lead back to the dressing room, the power came back on.  Kevin said that I can either come back Monday to finish the simulation & treatment planning or give it a try again.  I decided to stay and wait the 15 minutes for the machine to power up.

Back up on the table (they were impressed by my agility), lining up again became quicker.  They left the room and finally got all the shots they needed.

Right before I was going to loose all strength, we were done.

6-1/2 weeks = 33 days, Monday - Friday @ 4:00pm

June 4 - July 18

I will miss 1-1/2 hours of work each day (plus time every 3 weeks for chemo).  My boss is allowing me to change my work schedule to include Saturday.  I should be able to put in 40 hours.

I'm tired now .... just wait for totally fatigued!!

A friend told me that I "kicked chemo's butt and I will kick radiation's butt too".  So, that's the plan

grit & determination

Thinking of you Marily ~ rest now and I will see you soon.

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