Monday, March 5, 2012

Follow-up from Chemo #3

Matt took me to Doc Esther this morning.  I had it in my mind that if she couldn't tell me if the chemo was working, then I was done.  I'm weak and just not really feeling like doing this anymore.  After they took my blood, I sat and waited ... lost in thought.  A few times, the tears flowed of everything that has happened over the past few months.  Then, I began to think about the women I know whose stages are more advanced than mine.  How much more they are going through and I had absolutely no right to sit there and whine.  I'm just tired. No, it's more than just tired ... fatigued.  Not quite right either ... what is a word that can describe being absolutely exhausted?

To her credit, she didn't try to sugar-coat it.  She gave me her full attention and listened.  Because we are not shrinking a tumor, she can not give me the answer to "is the treatment working".  She can only tell me that based on my HER2 protein that statistics say that what treatment I'm getting now can help prevent it from coming back.  Hmmmm, not quite the reassurance I needed to make a decision.  Then, back to the women I have in my mind and in my heart....and back to my daughters and my husband and my family.... ok, I'll stick with it.....

Doc said that there may be a time before all this is over too when I won't be able to go back to work for awhile.  Reduced hours still might be too much.  Ok, looks like I will have to cross that road when I get there.  I reminded her that I'm the only paycheck in the house right now.  She understood.  I was also denied my cancer policy because it became effective Jan 1 and I was diagnosed Dec 7.  She said she would help me appeal it (although I don't know how to change their minds).  Do you?

The blood counts came back and she liked the numbers.  So, the Neulasta is working.  She said that I'm a tad dehydrated, but not bad enough for fluid IV.  (that's good) Doc also told me to eat more junk food (now what doctor would tell you that?) Guess I dropped a few pounds.  She said junk food tastes good and it has calories. ahhhhhh

I asked her again the details for the rest of my treatments.  She is going to adjust next week's chemo .... last chemo should be end of April.  Then 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Then 11 treatments of Herceptin.  Basically, treatments for the remainder of 2012.

What a year ~

Tomorrow, it is my plan to make it to work.  I'm praying for the courage and the strength.

Patchwork of life


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