Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Roller Coaster Ride

A few days have slipped away again.
Second chemo last Thursday...out of it Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday.
Tuesday I was weak but managed to stay awake most of the day.
Made it to work for half a day today.

The thing that is different is all the crying. It comes out of nowhere...often and I don't like it one little bit.
I don't understand why this is happening.
I can't believe this is happening.
I don't want this to be happening.
I can't stop this from happening.

My sister says that these emotions are natural, it's part of the roller coaster ride. I'm afraid this ride will fling me so violently that I will lose my Christie-ness. What will be left when the ride stops and I finally get off? I can't even imagine.


  1. Let me remind you of a few things:

    #1 - listen to the video from your last post, this time sing along with it.
    #2 - Don't let any ride take over your life.
    #3 - You will absolutely never loose your Christie-ness, ever
    #4 - Remember that life itself is full of "happenings", it's how you grow from it that makes the ride worth it

    By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I loved writing 12-12-12 all day :)

    1. Thank you for reminding me that I can do this. You are an inspiration to your Big Sis! Love ya!

  2. Don't loose hope Christie. Life is indeed like riding in a roller coaster,sometimes your down ,sometimes your up. So enjoy the ride. Life isn't always stock in one direction, just like what carol have said don't let it take over your life. You are not the only person suffering from cancer, let yourself be inspired with other peoples story and how they were able to surpass it. Seek other options like alternative treatment for breast cancer.

  3. It’s very hard to think of anything comforting or inspirational to say. But when I listen to you and Carol, this lesson about drowning that Dad taught me keeps coming into my head.

    The summer I was ten Dad, Aunt Donna and I went on a car trip down to St. Simon's Island, GA and then on to Jacksonville and Orlando to visit Great Aunt Ann, Aunt Barbara and Uncle Dick. While we were at a beach in GA, my beach ball floated away and as I was trying to get it, all of the sudden found myself in water where I could not reach. I panicked and started to flail about. A lifeguard jumped in and pulled me back to shore.

    Dad then took me out to deeper water and made me practice what to do in the case that I ever got into water over my head again.

    1. Don't fight the water
    2. Hold your breath
    3. Allow yourself to sink to the bottom
    4. When you have sold footing, push yourself off the bottom with enough force to break the surface
    5. When you break the surface, breathe
    6. Look for the shore and when you push off the bottom the next time try to push a little towards the shore.
    7. It may take awhile, but eventually you will break the surface more frequently, catching your breathe more and more as the water gets less deep until you reach a place where you can touch the bottom.

    For you, with the cancer, you are going to have a lot of sinking time, hold your breathe (hold on) for those moments that you break the surface and are able to breathe again. And know too that eventually you will reach the part where you can touch the bottom again.

    1. I loved visiting Aunt Ann at St. Simons Island (before you were born)! I really appreciate the suggestions and can actually think of times during recovery from chemo this week when I could have followed the steps. I have been fighting it instead of letting go. I finally found my footing and pushed hard today. I realize that this (sinking) will happen a few more times but you've given me a great analogy to process it. Thanks Sis!


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