Saturday, September 21, 2013

Tamoxifen - 1 week

One o'clock in the morning - after waking up ump-teen times, I decided to stay up for a bit.  Took 2 more pain pills and logged on.  I've had some inquiries about the effects of the Tamoxifen.  Can't say it is any better than Arimidex ... yet, it's only been a week. 

The pain is intense and I just wish I could describe it in a way to make myself understood.  I'm trying not to let this show at work and when I come home in the evening, I collapse.

My bones feel like they have been smashed by a sledge-hammer.  The shredded pieces like glass in my hands, arms, knees, legs, feet, ankles.  Today, my left elbow feels like I hit it against something hard.  I'm still bruising very easily. I'm hunched over like I'm 110 years old.  It is worse in the morning, and now seems to carry throughout the day.  I'm starting to have menstrual pains (I don't have a uterus and no cycles for 11 years).  What's that about?  My surgery sites (original surgery, plus nodes under my right arm, and reconstruction on my left side) all produce stabbing pain.  Sometimes the pain hits unexpectedly that I "yelp" out loud.  That can be embarrassing in public.

I tenderly hold my hands, softly rubbing to help ease the stiffness.  My neck and back ache so much.

So, this is the medicine to keep cancer away.  It sucks.

I've completed year 1 of 5 ~ can I endure 4 more?

I'm falling apart


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