The Brain

I usually see Dr R on Wednesday's, so I was surprised when the tech said to wait for the nurse to take me back to see the doc.  It is good to touch base, especially since I'm pioneering the prone position and can give him feedback from a patient's point of view.  Today, we talked about the MRI and the headaches.

He did state that there was no cancer in the brain and, naturally, we are relieved.  I asked him if I've ever had TIAs .... none showed .... no strokes either.  My memory has been shot, my concentration just about nil, and trying to remember how to spell words can be frustrating.  Doc said that my grey matter looked like an older person's.  Wha???? He said that the veins were thick, like a smoker or someone with high cholesterol.  Well, I quit smoking about 11 years ago and I don't have high cholesterol.  Then he mentioned a condition that had three words, and I'm sorry that I didn't write them down.  First word was "cardiovascular". 

I will definately find out before too long

Doc thinks my headaches could be migrane related.  I use to have intense migranes a long time ago.  (a few head injuries in childhood)  Or, perhaps it is my blood pressure meds that need adjusted.

He said that he is sending the report to my primary care doctor and will let him decide the next step.... maybe a neurologist.

Well, I'm not sweating it.  Remaining calm.

No cancer on the brain is the silver lining

Doc also mentioned that not too long ago, people with my type of cancer didn't have much chance.  But now with the "smart chemo" = Herceptin, we have a much better chance than ever.  That perked me up, yet gave me pause ....

Funny when those reality checks come in 

Tomorrow morning, chemo.  Thank you brillant people who developed Herceptin and Thank you to patients who endured trials upon trials.

Springfield Lake

Read More

MRI Results

I arrived for my daily "glow" appointment and a nurse met me as the tech was taking me to the treatment room.  She said that Dr R was not in today, so he wanted her to give me a message.  He looked at the MRI results and "did not find any disease in my brain".  They aren't sure what is causing my headaches, but this is a BIG RELIEF.  I didn't realize how much I was stuffing my emotions until she gave me the news.

I gave her a hug and happy tears flowed

The techs were throwing out some possibilities .... perhaps my blood pressure meds need adjusting, or perhaps my glasses need adjusted.  Sound familiar?  Same things that I was thinking about.  My sister gave me her blood pressure device so I can get some daily readings.  Then, I'll make an appointment with my family doctor. 

I asked the techs if radiation could be giving me the headaches and they said only if I was being treated on my head (which I'm not).

I don't want to live in constant fear of the "what if's". 

One day at a time. Right?

Friday morning will be another Herceptin drip.  If I see Doc Esther, I'll touch base with what has been going on.  Not scheduled to see her until August.

Enough about that ....

Praying for those surround by wild fires.  Keeping a close watch on Casey as the danger seems to be everywhere. Also for those affected by the hurricane.  Crazy, mixed up world.

My brain has been completely foggy.  I can't seem to write very well (maybe I never really have!)  Concentration is horrible too. 

Hopefully my blog isn't boring everyone to tears!  Quite honestly, writing this all down is good therapy for me and since I can't remember a lick of anything, it is a great way to keep track of events, symptoms, appointments, etc. 

Know what I mean jelly bean?

Read More

Say "Cheese"

Monday ~ picture day.  Keeping visual track of my breast by the routine photo shoot before radiation treatment.  In the middle the shoot, I knew that my arm and neck were in a bad position.  I just had to hang on a little longer and get through the radiation. Oh my gosh, laying prone sucks. 

Still waiting on the MRI results.

Yep, my head hurts.

Read More

The Beginning of a New Week

Saturday, the MRI went okay.  The nurse was as gentle as she could be with my veins.  She found one in my right hand (which seems to be the only one folks can find).  With the smallest needle, the vein rolled the first try and then she got it on the second try.  So very glad I was laying down. 

Very glad for the ear plugs as well.  The machine hit pitches like a jack hammer.  At one point, I was counting the patterns 1 2 3 4 5 .... 1 2 3 4 5 6 ..... 1 2 3 4 5 .... etc.  At times, it reminded me of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" (just needed the noise to be music). 

Now for the waiting .... patiently waiting

Afterwards, I met up with Teri at our "half-way" point.  Panera, shopping, Applebee's, more shopping.  Got home and stayed up the latest in a long time (11:30).

Sunday ~ The Beginning of a New Week

We visited a church this morning.  It is very close to home and we liked the message and the preaching.  It was a different church than last Sunday .... just looking for our "home" church.  This one might be it.  Matt felt very comfortable there.

Christie visited this afternoon and brought over four more scarves that she made from the material I picked out.  They are SO beautiful!  Thank you Christie!

My hairs are growing back!  Little peach fuzz!!! HAHAHAHAHA

Enjoy this perfect day!



Read More

Round 15

Friday - Completed #15 = 3 weeks

Radiation treatment seems to be going quickly.  The cream is helping to keep the redness under control (although it is staining my bra).  Tonight we went out to dinner and did some shopping at wally-world (aka Walmart) and I experienced a deep stabbing pain in my treated breast.  Haven't felt that before and I'm not sure if it is "normal".

Life is full of "new norms"

Traffic was really backed up and I made it there 10 minutes before closing.  Crazy construction.

The MRI is scheduled for Saturday at 10am.  They are going to use the contrast ... last time, it was accessed in my hand and it felt like the dye was exploding my veins.  Not looking forward to this.

After everything else, what's one more needle?

Have a blessed weekend.

Read More

Remission

Today is Wednesday ~ I see the radiation doctor every Wednesday.

I mentioned that I have been getting headaches daily for a couple of weeks and told him about the incident that happened Saturday.  I thought it could be my blood pressure.  I've been on my B.P. medication for at least 3 years now.  If anything, I can at least contact my family doctor and get checked out, or at least buy a pressure cup for home and monitor it.  He wants to do an MRI instead.

Just to make sure

I haven't considered that before (and I'm not even going to speak it out loud).

My blood pressure (taken from ankle vs arm):

Jun 20    159/95

Jun 8      146/85

May 22   138/74

May 7     128/78

Apr 27    140/69

So I mentioned, what about my vision changing and the need for new glasses? 

He said that could be it as well .... or possibly stress.  Let's do the MRI

Just to make sure

Okay, let's talk about that then. 

Once the radiation is done,

how do you know all the cancer is gone? 

He said that "we don't".  There is no blood test that will confirm it is gone. Just monitoring me on a regular basis and running various "scans" (mammogram, ultrasound, c-scan, mri).  It is all based on statistics and patients before me as oncology is researched year after year. 

My nodes were tested and clear of cancer.  They also got "clear margins" when the lump of cancer was removed.  That is all good news.  He said I was actually in remission after surgery.  Hmmmm, I didn't realize that.

I haven't asked that question before.  Now, the question is foremost in my mind ~

Just to make sure

That word caught my attention .... remission.  He said that patients have told him what it was like after going into remission and how it felt like a dagger was hanging just over their head waiting for it to fall.  And after year one, year two, etc the feeling slowly lessened as remission continued. 

That is something cancer patients are always going to have. Fear of it coming back.  I know a lady who has had it FIVE times.  How do you cope with that?

Constant fear cannot control your life

These headaches? I probably need new glasses or it could be stress .....or it could be side effect from the Herceptin.  I could be part of the very few who might have side effects such as:



Well, I will wait on the MRI .... Just to make sure



Read More

By the way

The middle of last week, my eyebrows started growing back.  I had to get real close to the mirror to make sure I was really seeing them.  It seemed to happen when I was sleeping.  At first, I thought it was smudge and wondered how I got that in my sleep. 

Now I can express myself.

Getting some dark peach fuzz on my head as well.  Each day, just a little bit more.  Kinda habit forming to rub my hand over my scalp, lol.

I've been getting some massive headaches over the past two weeks or so.  Friday night, Matt almost took me into ER.  I could hear the blood flowing in my ears and my heart pounding in my head.  My lips were numb.  I think my blood pressure was in overdrive.  That's the first time I felt that.  I laid down with a cold washrag on my head.  Still getting headaches, but not to the intensity of this episode.

The heat of the summer has set in .... loved the rain we had, but it created high humidity. 

Yesterday, they took a series of photos before radiation.  Because of that, I had to lay in the prone position longer and that was hard.  It's like having your forehead pressed against a 2x4 board.  But, I can't complain too loudly.  This is just part of the deal I agreed to in order to save my life for a few more years.  At least that's the plan.

I'm looking forward to my strength coming back so I can dig into some projects. So much to do! 

Be a blessing to someone today ~ It feels so good!

Read More

Ignite

The word "ignite" has been mentioned 3 separate times today. 

Once, when my husband was speaking of a church he went to last week that ignited the passion he once had .... the excitement of worship that drew him out of the wall of shyness.  That is saying a lot.

Once again when I got a text from my daughter who is developing a concept for her community and thought of "Ignite the Flame. Follow the passion that burns inside of you...."

The 3rd time was when she called me from her drive to Colorado Springs to tell me she just entered a wall of smoke.  We are hearing about all the wildfires out west and now a new one about 1/2 hour from her home and about 1/2 hour from Colorado Springs.  For this, we pray for all those who may loose their homes, schools and more as the flames draw near.  We pray for those who are fighting the fires and putting their lives in danger.  We pray for God's creatures and His beauty that are in peril.

I don't know the answers as to "why".  All I know is that we can pray and ask for God's protection.  This country needs it so very much.

Ignite.

ignite [ɪgˈnaɪt]
vb
1. to catch fire or set fire to; burn or cause to burn
2. (Chemistry) (tr) Chem to heat strongly
3. (tr) to stimulate or provoke the case has ignited a nationwide debate
[from Latin ignīre to set alight, from ignis fire]


It is amazing how this word can have different meanings.  Right? It just dependents on your circumstances. 

Take this crazy canzer thingy

After you get over the shock of hearing that word, you then have to deal with it.  After you begin the process of learning about it, going through treatments, all kinds of things begin to happen.

Everyone has a different experience, so I am only speaking for myself.

I began looking at my priorities, my bucket list, myself.  Then I began the awareness, roused, stimulated, awake ~~~ ignited.  I didn't want to just walk through life.  I want to DO something that matters! And then,

A deep calm

So very peaceful

Such grace

No fear

Complete joy

Tranquility

Read More

Round 10

Two weeks down!!!

Ahhhh, Friday.  End of the week and I'm sleeping in tomorrow! Everything is fine and dandy. 

The tech gave me a picture of me on the table with the mesh on my back and he also gave me the link to a model doing the same thing.

Trust me, you can't move when it's locked down tight

You are looking at the MODEL!





Read More

Round 8

Route 8 backed up (again), ugh ~

I asked how many sessions I had left and the tech checked the computer screen.  I looked at the figures and quickly added in my head *tongue-in-cheek* (I feel brain dead)

25 standard
  7 boost

Now, that's 32 and I thought it was 33! 

I told him he just made my day!!!!

Well, he said, it depends on if the doctor wants to change some of the radiation "type" .... it might add to or subtract to the total count.

~ Sigh ~



Wednesdays, I meet with the doctor.  Dr. R was not in today, so I saw the lady doctor from the "photo" session.  I opened my ball gown, she took a quick peek and didn't even touch me.  All done.

The nurse said that samples of cream (XClair) were still not in and they don't know when they will get some.  So, I asked for a script and I would be charged $50 through insurance for 1 tube.  Nurse said that I could get 2 tubes for $65 through a mail order vendor they use and it would be delivered to my home the NEXT DAY.

Love it ~

Read More